Join the Mile-High Club The day you’re not allowed to have sex in an airplane is the day you know the terrorists have really won. BY SARAH PIERCE
The skies just got a lot friendlier.
“ When you’re exposed, open and vulnerable with your partner, you can really deepen your relationship.”
Let's face it: flying sucks. Every year security gets tighter and tighter, which means longer lines, more random searches and now the added inconvenience of having to check bags containing life-threatening substances like toothpaste and lotion. Just when you learn how to pack a weekend’s worth of essentials into a single carry-on bag, they force you to wait at the baggage carousel with the rest of the cattle. But don’t fret—not every luxury has been taken away from you. You may not be able to take your $4 venti latte onboard with you, but by God, you can still take it from behind in the bathroom. That’s right: flying the friendly skies bareback is still a God-given freedom they can never take away from you.
Some think the infamous mile-high club is an urban myth or an unattainable feat, but I’m here to tell you that not only is it alive and thriving, it’s currently inducting new members—and it’s about time you pledged.
It wasn’t too long ago that Kris, 24, earned his honorary badge of mile-high honor on a trip to meet his future fiancé's parents.
Kris and his now wife, Angela, were sitting in the airport terminal waiting for a connecting flight when a flirty conversation revealed they both shared a secret fantasy. "I told her one of the few things I haven’t explored yet is inducting myself into the mile-high club, and she said she hadn’t either," says Kris. "A couple hours later we were over the Texas state line and we were both kind of dozing off. Out of nowhere she did one of those fake stretches and her hand landed in my lap. I leaned into her ear and asked, ‘How serious were you about that?’ She knew exactly what I was talking about, and it was on."
The idea of having sex with each other was great, but they both realized it would be too obvious if they went to the back of the plane and didn’t come back, so Kris came up with an idea.
"I told Angela, ‘You have to pretend you’re sick and I’ll go back there to console you and hold your hair…but I’m gonna hold it a whole ‘nother way.’"
Angela smiled, quickly got up and asked the stewardess for a Tylenol. She leaned against the seat with her hand on her forehead, complaining that she was feeling sick. After the concerned stewardess found her some, Angela went to the back of the plane, clutching her stomach as if she had cramps.
"She really laid it on thick. Once I realized she wasn’t coming back, it hit me what was about to happen," says Kris. "I was thinking, ‘I can’t believe I’m gonna go back there—this is awkward as hell!’ But the attendant was totally buying it and was asking me if she was all right. I told her, ‘I’m gonna go check on her and see if she’s okay.’ The funny thing is, the stewardess thought it was a good idea."
"Everyone around us was hearing the entire conversation, so I knocked on the door and asked overly loud: ‘Are you alright?’ The door unlocked and I went inside. As soon as I shut the door I began worrying about what the people [on the plane] were thinking, but I thought, hey, I’m in here—might as well go for it."
When they were done, Kris splashed water on his face and fixed his hair—"Anything to make it look like I wasn’t just in there wrestling"— left Angela to fix herself up, and made a beeline for his seat.
"I remember being so nervous [that people would know], but wouldn’t you know it, the stewardess came right to me to see if she was okay. Luckily, it was dark so she couldn’t get a good look at me. But when Angela came back, her hair was all messy and sweaty—it totally looked as if she had just spent 10 minutes throwing up in the bathroom. I was like, yes—that couldn’t have worked out any more perfect."
According to Dr. Yvonne Thomas, Ph.D. (www.yvonnthomasphd.com), a Los Angeles-based psychologist who specializes in relationships, says engaging in risky behaviors like having sex in public places can create a healthy balance in a relationship, and can even become a bonding experience.
"When you’re exposed, open and vulnerable with your partner, you can really deepen your relationship," she says. But Dr. Thomas cautions that engaging in risky sexual encounters shouldn’t become the focus of your sex life.
"If that’s the only way you can orgasm or enjoy sex, then it becomes a very depersonalized experience; it becomes more about the surroundings and circumstances rather than about sharing the experience with your partner."
If you’re fully ready to share the mile-high experience with your partner, there are a few things to keep in mind. Believe it or not, there’s actually a set of official rules and regulations (www.milehighclub.com) for becoming an official member. However, Angel Adams, author of the recently released book I’m Easy…And I Have Bad Taste ((www.amazon.com), offers some basic tips for doing it right:
If you can, fly first class. For one, the seats are larger, and if you decide to make the event more discreet, the bathrooms are also larger, not to mention generally cleaner because fewer people have access to them.
Fly the red eye or overseas flights where a lot of other passengers will be sleeping and the plane is generally kept dark.
Be prepared. Bring a blanket or pillow if you don’t think what the plane provides will be enough.
Wear easily assessable clothing. Women, wear a skirt with no panties and a loose or low-cut shirt he can easily slip his hands into. Men, leave the belt in the suitcase and wear your jeans with the zipper—buttons take too long.
Most important, if you’re planning it, remember that foreplay can start the minute you check in. That means eye contact, flirting and gentle touches to get your partner in the mood. Even the planning can be foreplay.
So now that Kris and his wife have been inducted, do they plan on remaining active members?
"I would definitely do it again, but not on a commercial airline. It was cool, but I want to do it right. My friend has a jet, so I’d love to see what we could get ourselves into on that."
If only everyone had friends like that.
*EDITOR'S NOTE: Last names have been omitted by request of subjects for anonymity.