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The Formula for a Magical Union: Ten Tips for a Blissful RelationshipMarriage is a verb and these 10 actions will take your marriage to the next level.
Hans Reniers
Even when the chemistry is still there, you still need to keep stirring and and mixing it up.
“ Relationships invoke our highest self! They also mirror our quiescent weaknesses.”
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Everyone wants an enjoyable, smoothly running relationship. But not everyone knows how to get there. With these 10 tips, you can create an enduring, enjoyable, magical, passionate union with your partner.
1. Care 150% About the Other Person's Feelings and Well-Being: Show that you care 150% about your partner’s feelings and well-being. By doing that both you and your partner can feel loved and safe in the relationship knowing both have the other's best interests in mind. If one spouse gives 150% the other will respond in kind.
2. Accept and Accommodate: If you have a flat tire, and your husband has an appointment, say, "No worries – I’ll call roadside assistance." No matter the problem, there is always a solution in which both parties’ needs are met.
3. Take the Time to Show That You Care: If you sense you have hurt your spouse’s feelings, don’t leave to go play poker without saying a word. Say, "I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. Is it okay if we talk about it when I get back? We’ll figure out a way for me to handle it better next time."
4. Ask Your Partner What They Need From You and Then Give Them That: I worked with a couple who were separated. The wife complained that the husband never told her things he liked about her—never complimented her or built her up. The husband complained that the wife never hugged him. I gave them each an assignment: Eight times a day, she was to go up to him and give him a hug and tell him she loved him, and eight times a day, he was to tell her something he loved about her. Next thing I know, they’re on a vacation together, laughing their heads off while doing the assignment. They moved back in together and are still, to this day, happily married.
5. Live Consciously In Each Moment: Be conscious in each moment of your intentions and motives in how you are treating your partner. If you find yourself giving less than 150%, get with your EFT tapping buddy and find out and clear what’s holding you back.
6. Treat Your Partner with Panache!: Everyone wants to feel wanted. When your spouse comes through the door squeal, "Hi Sweetheart!" Throw your arms around them and give them a big hug and a kiss. Make them their favorite meal. First date panache and respect—always!
7. Use the "Problems" in Your Relationship as Fodder for Spiritual Growth: Relationships invoke our highest self! They also mirror our quiescent weaknesses—attachments that don’t serve us, old wounds that never got healed, blocks to our joy. Not to worry—it’s all fodder for soul growth! EFT practitioner here we come!
8. Practice Introspection and Heal Your Triggers: Many problems can be solved by both parties seeing their anger and hurt as old wounds screaming to be healed. When you focus on healing your triggers, you won’t even remember what you were upset about yesterday, and you will come to the breakfast table a lighter, more expanded you, living in your heart, with a deep love for your partner.
9. Use "I" Messages When Communicating Feelings and Needs: If you find you need to share feelings or needs with your partner, say it like this: "When you [fill in the blank], I feel [fill in the blank]. Would it be okay if I asked you to [fill in the blank]?" Avoid starting a sentence with "You never..." or "You are such a..." If you share what is going on inside of you, your partner will not feel criticized and can more easily hear your feelings and needs.
10. Ask Your Partner What They Love and Then Do That: Ask your partner what they would love you to do for them. If she loves it when you read to her, read her a beautiful poem at bedtime. If he loves to sing to you, run into the kitchen when he’s cooking: "Honey! I need you to sing to me right now!"
Think of your relationship as the cake, and 150/150 as the frosting. Cake is good. But cake with frosting is delicious!
Janet Stegman is an EFT and Inner Child Practitioner, successfully counseling people with addiction and other mental health disorders for more than 20 years. Janet is the author of Sandcastles: Tools for Letting Go of Addiction and the Pain of the Past; How to Raise a Healthy Happy Child; and My Mother the Comedian . . . I Mean Superior Court Judge. She also has extensive comedy and musical theatre credits including Janet Stegman Starring in HBO Here I Come! and Peter in Peter Pan. Janet lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma, where she teaches Silver Sneakers and dances the Lindy Hop every chance she gets! For more information visit www.janetstegman.com.
1. Care 150% About the Other Person's Feelings and Well-Being: Show that you care 150% about your partner’s feelings and well-being. By doing that both you and your partner can feel loved and safe in the relationship knowing both have the other's best interests in mind. If one spouse gives 150% the other will respond in kind.
2. Accept and Accommodate: If you have a flat tire, and your husband has an appointment, say, "No worries – I’ll call roadside assistance." No matter the problem, there is always a solution in which both parties’ needs are met.
3. Take the Time to Show That You Care: If you sense you have hurt your spouse’s feelings, don’t leave to go play poker without saying a word. Say, "I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. Is it okay if we talk about it when I get back? We’ll figure out a way for me to handle it better next time."
4. Ask Your Partner What They Need From You and Then Give Them That: I worked with a couple who were separated. The wife complained that the husband never told her things he liked about her—never complimented her or built her up. The husband complained that the wife never hugged him. I gave them each an assignment: Eight times a day, she was to go up to him and give him a hug and tell him she loved him, and eight times a day, he was to tell her something he loved about her. Next thing I know, they’re on a vacation together, laughing their heads off while doing the assignment. They moved back in together and are still, to this day, happily married.
5. Live Consciously In Each Moment: Be conscious in each moment of your intentions and motives in how you are treating your partner. If you find yourself giving less than 150%, get with your EFT tapping buddy and find out and clear what’s holding you back.
6. Treat Your Partner with Panache!: Everyone wants to feel wanted. When your spouse comes through the door squeal, "Hi Sweetheart!" Throw your arms around them and give them a big hug and a kiss. Make them their favorite meal. First date panache and respect—always!
7. Use the "Problems" in Your Relationship as Fodder for Spiritual Growth: Relationships invoke our highest self! They also mirror our quiescent weaknesses—attachments that don’t serve us, old wounds that never got healed, blocks to our joy. Not to worry—it’s all fodder for soul growth! EFT practitioner here we come!
8. Practice Introspection and Heal Your Triggers: Many problems can be solved by both parties seeing their anger and hurt as old wounds screaming to be healed. When you focus on healing your triggers, you won’t even remember what you were upset about yesterday, and you will come to the breakfast table a lighter, more expanded you, living in your heart, with a deep love for your partner.
9. Use "I" Messages When Communicating Feelings and Needs: If you find you need to share feelings or needs with your partner, say it like this: "When you [fill in the blank], I feel [fill in the blank]. Would it be okay if I asked you to [fill in the blank]?" Avoid starting a sentence with "You never..." or "You are such a..." If you share what is going on inside of you, your partner will not feel criticized and can more easily hear your feelings and needs.
10. Ask Your Partner What They Love and Then Do That: Ask your partner what they would love you to do for them. If she loves it when you read to her, read her a beautiful poem at bedtime. If he loves to sing to you, run into the kitchen when he’s cooking: "Honey! I need you to sing to me right now!"
Think of your relationship as the cake, and 150/150 as the frosting. Cake is good. But cake with frosting is delicious!
Janet Stegman is an EFT and Inner Child Practitioner, successfully counseling people with addiction and other mental health disorders for more than 20 years. Janet is the author of Sandcastles: Tools for Letting Go of Addiction and the Pain of the Past; How to Raise a Healthy Happy Child; and My Mother the Comedian . . . I Mean Superior Court Judge. She also has extensive comedy and musical theatre credits including Janet Stegman Starring in HBO Here I Come! and Peter in Peter Pan. Janet lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma, where she teaches Silver Sneakers and dances the Lindy Hop every chance she gets! For more information visit www.janetstegman.com.
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