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insight
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 A Wife's Guide to In-laws  Neil Fiore / Awaken Your Strongest Self |
By working together, the orgasm may be the strongest bond of your relationship’s well being.
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Being open and honest about having an orgasm is good for your health and relationship. |
~ Introduction to Tantra
Having regular orgasms will extend your life and provide the basis for a lasting relationship. We know that people who enjoy a regular, satisfying sex life (ie. regular orgasms) are less stressed, less depressed and generally more well physically, mentally and emotionally.
The majority of people who leave a relationship usually site sexual incompatibility as a primary impetus. It’s so common it has become a cliché; many people in long-term relationships reach an impasse of sorts about their individual and connected sex drives. The pulley of sexual attraction and arousal is not static—the swing between feeling desirable and connected in a relationship is in a continuous flux and reflects the health of the entire relationship, not just its sexual side.
Overcoming the initiation argument begins when both people stop keeping score. Agreeing to harness the frustration and applying it towards building solutions is much more likely to move you and your spouse toward a shared pleasure.
One of the most likely blocks to a shared orgasmic experience is the strangely common practice of faking one. Studies suggest that as many as 60 percent of women have faked an orgasm. Surprisingly, this practice is not limited only to women. The reasons for faking orgasm are complex—some feel like they can’t perform or open up to that level of vulnerability, or they think that by faking it they can end the intimacy. The result is the most serious breach in trust. Faking orgasm is a lie and it leaves the person who is trying to love and bring pleasure with a feeling of resentment. Breaching trust at this deeply naked level of vulnerability will seep into other aspects of the relationship.
Many women mistakenly believe their pleasure doesn’t matter, or they don’t want to burden their partner in their own frustrated search for that mysterious and powerful orgasmic release. Real conversation about these issues is sexy. It communicates that you are invested and trust your partner enough to be vulnerable about this most deeply held desire. Just for the record, most men get more pleasure and sense of mastery from helping a woman they love to orgasm than their own climax. Working together to find the path to individual orgasm is the most intimate sharing that exists. It changes everything in a relationship.
Finding a language to talk about your sexuality for most people is the stumbling block. It’s one area in life where taking responsibility for the problem is shaming, so we often go into a default mode of blaming. With that mentality it’s easy to believe that change is impossible and may lead to a feeling of being caught in a no-win situation. As in any other area of personal development, clarity is everything. Take the time to think about or write down your own personal sexual history, including your orgasmic experience. Share these notes with your spouse—often, you will find even unwilling partners will begin to open up. Set a couple of shared goals and respond to the dialogue as you would with any other part of our life. For many couples, making efforts to de-stress their lives can have remarkable effects on their ability to be intimate.
Knowing that you have the ability to reach someone in this very intimate way is one of the most significant sources of self-esteem that relationships afford. There’s a strange coincidence between the percentage of people who don’t orgasm and the percentage of people who divorce. While, sharing orgasm is not enough to keep a relationship alive, the inability to move toward it is enough to kill it. There is no other single work in life that will repay you so profoundly each and every time you share it.
Orgasms: 5 Steps To Getting There (Part 3)
Wendy Strgar is the founder of GoodCleanLove.com, which provides products and advice for sustainable love. If you have questions about products or toys send them in and Wendy will be happy to share her knowledge. When visiting the website, use coupon code NEWSITE08, to enjoy a new year 15 percent discount.
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