Join the Slow Sex Movement Like fast food, quick sex has its moments. However, there's no replacement for a slow, long, memorable encounter. BY WENDY STRGAR
Slow things down in the bedroom and you can discover new pleasures.
“ Sex, like food, is supposed to be savored. It should be a four course meal. You don’t just walk into a fancy restaurant and demand your main course. You take your time.”
According to recent research, American heterosexual sex lasts only 7.3 minutes on average. What's the rush, people? If we compare sex to dining, Americans are the sexual equivalent of a fast food joint—an "In-N-Out" if you will.
Sex, like food, is supposed to be savored. It should be a four-course meal. You don’t just walk into a fancy restaurant and demand your main course. You take your time. Why is that only 29% of women report always reaching orgasm during sex compared to that of 75% of men? This could have to do with the duration of sex. It makes sense that less women report reaching orgasm if it takes someone with a vulva 10-20 minutes to reach orgasm, on average, versus that of a someone with a penis (For people with penises the average time between first penetration and orgasm is two to three minutes).
If you compare the average duration of sex and the differences in our respective orgasm times, someone is clearly getting the good end of the deal here and it is not those who posses a vulva.
This could be explained by the general lack of education regarding the clitoris in America, or the male-centric ideas of sexual pleasure, which have dominated our society forever, but slowing down sex could be the answer to many of our socio-cultural gender disparities. We believe in equal pleasure, the concept that sex should be equally satisfying for all individuals involved. In this case, equal pleasure means taking your time. And guess what? Slowing down your sex life: being more intimate, lengthening foreplay, varying your sexual positions, playing with toys and lube… it ameliorates the experience for everyone involved!
Unsurprisingly, egality among individuals is conducive to more positive, fulfilling and functional relationships. In almost every study, both men and women report wishing their sex lasted longer. Contrary to harmful stigmas, women can enjoy sex just as much men and men crave romantic attention just as much as women.
Slow sex, like slow food, could be a part of the movement towards a longer lasting, more sustainable, holistic approach to living life. Thinking of sex as more of an experience and less of an act is crucial in comprehending sensuality and sexuality. So let’s take a little lesson from the tortoise and the hare and turn this fast-food sex into a fine dining experience.
Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family. In her new book, "Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy," she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative advice. It has been called "the essential guide for relationships." The book is available on ebook. Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives with their four children ages 13-23 in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. You can follow her on Google+