Two recent books address this issue, "The Sex-Starved Wife" by Michele Weiner Davis (which we excerpt here), and "He's Just Not Up for It Anymore," by Bob Berkowitz and Susan Yager-Berkowitz and the authors were interviewed by USA Today. Here's what they said:

Q: You surveyed more than 4,000 men and women online who identified themselves as currently or in the past being in a sexless marriage (sex 10 times a year or less). What findings surprised you the most?
Berkowitz: It shocked me that 68% of men said the reason for their slumping sex drive is that "she's not sexually adventurous enough." That's a lot of finger-pointing. So many used "not adventurous" as an excuse.

Yager-Berkowitz: A number of men in our survey said the wife had gained too much weight — 38% of men said she "gained a significant amount of weight." Also, it surprised me that 30% of men admitted they had ED (erectile dysfunction). Even 15 years ago, I don't think that would have happened. Now that there are some solutions and some hope, that's allowed a conversation to open up.

Q: You and Redbook magazine surveyed 1,004 women online about their husbands' low sexual desire; you say that low desire is often mistaken for erectile dysfunction. Why?

Weiner Davis: So many people in the general public think low sexual desire is synonymous with ED. He doesn't want sex because he can't have sex. There is some truth to that, in that ED can turn into a problem of low sexual desire, but it is vastly overrated as the only reason men turn off to sex. A man who has erectile dysfunction does not always have low sexual desire. In fact, he will only get low sexual desire if he can't find some effective way or means to remedy the situation because then it becomes an ordeal rather than pleasure. But if a man learns how to manage and overcome it, he might have very high sexual desire.

Click here to read the complete interview.

Labels: advice, book, sex