What if what you thought about your limitations was wrong? Micro-goals associated with actions will help you push your limits.
Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right. ~ Henry Ford
Beliefs are habits of thought, and habits can be changed. The real question isn't how can we change our beliefs—it is how do we change our habits.
The key to changing a habit is micro-change. When we try to change everything at once, we are almost always doomed to failure. Think about your last New Year's resolution that was all or nothing. No more sugar, no more desert, meditate every day, clean the house, stretch every morning, be nice to everyone, start each day with breakfast. These beliefs start strong—and then almost always fail. The reason is there is no room for improvement. We don't get the satisfaction of having progress. Instead, the first time we fall short, it takes us into a tailspin. Beliefs are influenced by the action we take that supports the belief. If we think we have to meditate, and then we miss the belief that we can do this gets shattered and the habitual belief, our usual way of thinking about that goal returns. The old belief returns because the action matched the old belief.
When what we do matches what we believe we can do—there is an alignment. If I think I can lift 100 pounds over my head and I try it and I can't—something has to give. I either have to change my belief system or change my ability. Typically, if my default belief is that I can't lift 100 pounds—that I can only lift 90—then when I fail to lift 100 pounds the old belief is supported. We default to an old belief when our action doesn't support a new one.
Micro-goals can change all this. The goal to lift 91 pounds gives me hope because it changes my expectation. Micro goals bring our ambitions into focus and stimulate the energy that comes from possibility. The closer a goal is to our sense of what's possible, the greater our motivation to achieve it. There is also some good science to show that what is actually getting stimulated is hope. The moment we believe we can influence our future, we have hope, which gives us energy and motivation.
What do you hope to change?
Pick a goal you’ve had that somehow hasn’t happened yet. Lose 10 pounds? Clean the basement? Get a new couch? Go back to school? Whatever the goal let’s break it down. If you were going to lose 10 pounds what might be the first step toward it? How about returning to school? What needs to be done first?
With micro-goals, you pick a micro-goal, a small step toward the larger one and a timeline for getting it done: micro goals and close timelines. You want a goal you can set your sights on and a sense of urgency to get it done.
Let’s say going back to school is the bigger goal. What’s the micro-goal that could be accomplished in a short timeline? It might be going online to learn the deadline for class enrollment. It might be starting a file on your computer for information about returning to school. It could be checking out information about student loans. Whatever the goal, it needs a small action associated with it. Call the school, look up the deadline, create a file. When you write down the micro-goal, you write it in action terms. To change believes you have to change your habits and to change our habits we have to change our actions. Setting a micro-goal is good, pairing it with the action you need to do to achieve it makes it happen.
Now add a due date. When would you want to have this done by? Pick that timeline and write it down. Pen and paper, digital, or virtual assistant. They’ll be three parts. The action you need to take comes first, the micro-goal, and when. Make a list of the micro-goals toward the larger goals you want to tackle. Lookup the class deadline by Wednesday. (My secret? I give a buffer to my timeline to assure it’ll get done. If I think Wednesday is reasonable, I’ll make the deadline on Thursday at noon. It increases the chances I'll get it done and feel good about it.)
Do this with each of the bigger goals you have and create a micro-goal "to-do" list. Prioritize the first three things you’re going to do on that list. This kind of preparation uses an action to change your belief system by generating hope and energy all along the way.
It just might change your "to-do" to your "ta-da" list.
Dr. Dan Tomasulo is a core faculty member for the Spirituality Mind Body Institute (SMBI), Teachers College, Columbia University. Honored by Sharecare as one of the top ten online influencers on the issue of depression he authors the daily column, Ask the Therapist, for PsychCentral.com, and developed the Dare to be Happy experiential workshops for Kripalu. His next book, Learned Hopefulness, will be published in 2020. For more information visit www.DanTomasulo.com.
