It’s the holiday season! A very special time of year to feel closely connected to the people we love and a time to be grateful for all the good things in our lives.

But…

* What if your husband or wife has had an affair?

* What if your spouse has been taking you for granted?

* What if you feel no connection or intimacy with them?

* What if you are no longer in love with them even though you might still love them somewhat?

* What if you feel sad, alone and empty even though you are still with them?

* What if you can’t communicate without it turning into a disagreement?

* What if in the season of hope, you feel hopeless?

It’s easy to feel unhappy if any of those things are happening in your life. Since you are part of a couple, I wonder how your partner feels? Are they happy or is the unhappiness all yours’ alone?

Here’s something to think about: Another year is passing by. Will you accept responsibility for your marriage?

* How have you personally grown in your ability to influence the direction of your relationship?

* What new skills have you acquired that are immediately helpful with your partner?

* What things have you personally initiated to transform your relationship?

* What specifically have you tried to do to improve your situation? Make a list… how many things are on it?

Many people believe that they are powerless in their unhappy marriages. It’s not true! You can decide today, right here in this moment, that you are going to initiate the possibility of change in your relationship.

It Starts By Owning What You Can Do

Not by focusing on your partner’s efforts. Not by telling yourself a story about the past. Not by trying to get them to do this or that. Not by expecting or demanding something back. Not by pointing the finger of blame.

Obviously, none of that will help to repair or restore anything.

Instead, right now, you could easily just decide to do something, or say something simple, that tells your spouse how much you appreciate them as a husband or wife… mother or father… or a person who has been part of your life.

You could apologize today for your part in any disconnect without even getting specific. You might just say, "I am sorry if I have forgotten to tell you that I appreciate you."

You could say, "I’m sorry if it ever seemed like I have been so focused on me that I forgot about you. I want you to know that I appreciate you so much."

You could add, "I love you." You could do or say more.

Take Responsibility For Your Part

We are not that different, we all share these foundational things that we want from life.

* We all want to be happy.

* We all want to feel appreciated.

* We all want to feel like we are part of something special, that we belong.

This can become a place to start to rebuild your future happiness. Remember that what you do, and fail to do is always reflected in the outcome of your marriage.

Decide to do more, and show your gratitude and appreciation for your spouse—unless you want another year to pass your happiness by.

Jeff Forte CSIC, CME author of "The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle" and founder of PEAK Results Coaching is an Executive and Peak Performance Coach specializing in team and relationship dynamics. His clients include Fortune 500 Executives, Business Professionals, Attorneys, Surgeons, Professional Athletes, Teams and Couples. For more information visit 90MinuteMarriageMiracle.com.