You naughty little reader. Does the person next to you know you’re reading about sex? I ought to spank you for being so bad.

Did that just make you feel a little awkward reading that? Perfect: This article’s for you. Did that just turn you on a little bit? Well, you really are a dirty little reader, aren’t you? And just for that I’m going to make you sit through this lesson on how to get the more delicate readers amongst you more comfortable with the fine art of verbal foreplay.

For everyone who feels just a little uncomfortable about talking during sex, don’t worry—you’re not alone. Despite what you hear, talking dirty isn’t as common as you think. Lots of couples enjoy and even prefer to keep the bedroom acoustics turned down to a low moan. There are a fair number of people out there, however, that do enjoy a little dirty talk. For some people it comes easy but for others it takes some getting used to, so here are three easy rules to help you get the vulgar verbiage flowing.

Rule #1: Start off simple. If you’re not used to talking dirty, don’t dive into it without testing the water a little bit. Start with simple observations: "Do you like that?" "You taste so good." "I love the way you feel." These are easy things to say because you’re already thinking them. You’ll feel much more comfortable saying this than trying to go for the gold right out of the gate.

Rule #2: Up the X factor. Now that you’re comfortable simply talking during sex, try upping the ante a bit. Start by inserting naughty words into your normal repertoire: "Do you like the way my cock feels?" "Your pussy tastes so good." You’ll probably find it much easier to say these types of things in the heat of passion rather than during an intimate lovemaking session, so try not to force anything if it doesn’t feel right.

Rule #3: There is no third rule. There’s no instruction manual that can teach you how to talk dirty from here. Either you have it in you or you don’t. Just say what comes to mind. If nothing comes to mind, don’t force it; you’ll not only feel awkward, but you’ll make your partner feel awkward as well. And if you do end up saying something stupid, don’t worry about it. It’s okay to laugh at yourself and move on.

If talking dirty isn’t a problem for you but it is for your partner, there are a few things you can do if you’d like them to try it. The first thing is to bring it up when you’re not having sex.

"The discussion shouldn’t take place in the bedroom," says Beatty Cohan (www.askbeatty.com), a psychotherapist, author and media personality who has 35 years of experience working with couples in relationships. "When it comes to experimentation of any kind, you have to talk about it. If he or she doesn’t like it, don’t push it. If the guy really wants to do it but the girl is unsure, try compromising. Say, ‘Let’s try it once and if you don’t like, we don’t have to do it again.’"

It’s as simple as that. There’s no almighty Sex Monologue Committee that’ll be judging your performance and chances are the only critic in the room is yourself. So give it a try. And if you don’t like it, I promise I won’t threaten to spank you again.