Married life is easy.

You may have read, heard, or even experienced the opposite—that marriage is hard work. I used to believe that was true. Not anymore.

Marriage is easy.

I understand that making time for someone else or giving up some of the things you love or getting your own way creates some struggles in life, but once again, marriage is easy. Perhaps those who believe marriage is hard work are actually referring to the difficulty of interacting and living with an immature, childish human.

Why would it be hard work to be in relationship with a mature, caring grown up?

Here are a couple of other questions to ponder:

Why is it that we are often nicer to strangers than we are to those we love and cherish?

Shouldn’t marriage and relationships lighten our load, not add to our burden?

Perhaps the problem is that many times we get bogged down in a lot of the unnecessary parts of relationships and lose focus on the essential. Or we lose sight of the fact that our significant other is a separate being who is capable of making their own decisions and charting their own path in life. It may come as a real shocker but your spouse is not an extension of yourself!

This fact isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it's a good thing because it frees you up to be your own person as well. And, it frees you both to choose each other—not feel like you’re stuck in a monotonous existence together.

Why Marriage Is Easy

It all boils down to your personal view of what goes on within your marriage.

First and foremost, marriage is designed to help you grow up. It’s not about happiness. It’s not about becoming more complete, despite what Hollywood and other popular press would like you to believe. Marriage is about growing. Happiness will accompany you at times along the way, but it’s not the ultimate goal.

Second, your growth equals your responsibility; your spouse’s—theirs. When you keep this in mind you realize that all you can control in a relationship is yourself.

Many times couples have sought my help in working on their marriage. They come in thinking their relationship is an outside entity that can be fixed. The problem with this is they’ve got it backwards—the relationship is working on them! That’s the way relationships are designed.

When you acknowledge this and live accordingly, relationships are easy. Here’s how!

How many times has something about your spouse’s behavior driven you crazy? Or how many heated discussions have come from your differences in beliefs?

The best way to combat this is found in this phrase, "Rather than trying to adjust the wind, adjust your sails."

Focus on what you can control, and this begins and ends with you! Simplify things in life so you can savor more of the good things. This same idea can be applied to marriages.

And it starts by slowing down.

Do you have trouble remembering names when meeting someone new? Do you know why? Most of the time you’re too busy talking or thinking about what to say that you don’t even hear their name.

This happens in regular conversations as well. You’re busy or rushed thinking about something else and you miss the goodness of the moment with your spouse, kids, or friends.

Slow down. Allow for pauses in the conversation while you think and respond. There doesn’t have to be a banter or speedy exchange of ideas in conversation. This will open you both up to more with each other.

This Zen phrase comes to mind, "Smile, breathe, and go slowly."

Just think how much better everything, and I mean everything [wink wink], will be when you follow this thought in your marriage?

Dr. Corey Allan is a laid back guy who writes at Simple Marriage and counsels people on how to have better relationships. He’ll teach you how to get along with others, play nice, get more of what you want and enjoy giving back. He might even help you get more sex out of the deal, too!