Common Symptoms of Communication Breakdowns in Marriage

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Common Symptoms of Communication Breakdowns in Marriage
Help heal the communication breakdown in these common scenarios.
BY KIM MALCHUK

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Keeping good communication in marriage flowing can be easy if you keep an eye out for breakdowns.

“ When was the last time you and your spouse had a conversation about yourselves? If you can’t remember, it’s been too long.”

It kind of boggles my mind when I read articles about the difficulties couples are faced with today. If you search the Internet or read the "Dear Miss Lonely Hearts" column, lack of communication in relationships seems to be a consistent issue causing problems on the home front.

I have a hard time wrapping my mind around that one because in the majority of cases that’s not something that usually happens overnight. I would bet the entire farm there were signs of trouble on the horizon before any couple finds themselves walking down Splitzville Avenue.

Here are some symptoms and suggested remedies that could help heal what’s ailing the communication between partners:

Symptom 1: Short Fuse. This is a red flag, especially if it’s out of character for your spouse. If your easy-going spouse seems to be getting irritated quickly then something’s up. Try approaching your mate calmly and say, "Hey babe, do you know where I could find my partner because they seem to be missing in action lately?" Keeping it light, loving and caring will help put your spouse at ease to tell you what’s on their mind.

Symptom 2: Withdrawn and Distant. A good majority of people are stressed due to career and/or financial pressures. It’s not uncommon for people to pull back or get really quiet when they are stressed out. A simple thing, like putting your hand on theirs and saying as you look directly into their eyes is, "I’m always here for you. I’d love to listen to whatever you have to say whenever you want to talk about it." The tone and non-demanding action will help create a comfortable space to make it more inviting for them to start the conversation.

Symptom 3: Guessing Game. I’m presuming that we know our partner’s well enough to notice when something is off kilter. Instead of trying to guess what that "something" could possibly be we should come right out and ask our partner if they sense it too. Better to get the information directly from the source than to allow our imagination to get the best of us. Checking in with our mate is demonstrating that we are paying attention to them and to the overall health of the marriage.

Symptom 4: Kids Rule the Roost. When was the last time you and your spouse had a conversation about yourselves? If you can’t remember, it’s been too long. Find a place in your home where the topic of kids is taboo. I know it’s tough but it can be done. Agree that this designated "No Kids" zone will be the one place reserved just for the two of you. Ensuring that Mommy and Daddy are happy and healthy will benefit everyone living under that roof.

It’s been said that relationships are like a bird. If you catch it tightly, it dies, and if you catch it loosely, it flies, but if you catch it with tenderness, it remains with you forever.

Cancer took Kim Malchuk’s husband, but not the enduring spirit of their love. Now a motivational coach, speaker and award-winning author, Kim shares her personal journey of loss, healing and hope in her book, "Tasting Rain".

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