life advice
3 Reasons Why Women Cheat
Men might find these reasons surprising, but it should be a wake-up call.

Getting laid by a stranger has never been easier thanks to technology. This is equally true for singles as well as married individuals, thanks to a variety of websites and apps that cater to users looking for easy, casual sex.

Both men and women cheat because something is missing in their lives. The need to fill in that missing piece is what leads to affairs and often divorce.

Today, men and women stray at similar rates according to a study by the University of Indiana, but for different reasons.

While there are surveys about why women cheat, I am going to focus on my own experience helping couples move past their affairs.

Here are the top 3 reasons Iíve heard from women:

1. Lack of Connection: The primary driver that women have in an intimate relationship is to feel connected. For women, the feeling of connection is a mix of chemical bliss that creates attraction and intimacy. When women feel disconnected from their spouse, the feelings of intimacy fade. The possibility of a new connection with someone else opens up; and these emotional connections can easily lead to physical affairs.

That can happen through Facebook with an old boyfriend, a friendly co-worker, or even an intriguing stranger. The common theme is simply that an emotional connection was created and led to the affair.

2. Vengeance: This may be unpopular to some, but in my experience about 1 in 5 affairs by women happen because of "pay-back." Itís revenge for the husbandís affair. Itís vengeance for some perceived wrong or mistreatment.

Numerous women have confided that their affairs were intentional "pay-back" because their husbands didnít help out enough with their new born babies and toddlers. Others have mentioned that it was revenge for an unmet expectation around Valentineís Day or their Birthday, or Anniversary.

Iíve heard directly from women who cheated because their husbands' wouldnít take time off of work, or change jobs, or didnít help out enough around the house.

3. Unsatisfying Sex: Itís no secret that peopleís stressful, fully scheduled, fast-paced living leads to unsatisfying sex lives. Lack of passionate and fulfilling sex, is another driver for affairs.

While men may complain about the quantity of sex, women complain about the quality.

Women often comment on the lack of sex initiated by their husbands with the desired amount of passion. Hereís a sample of what theyíve said to me; "I want him to just take me spontaneously," "I want him to throw me on the bed," "I want him to be more aggressive." These statements often include far more colorful words.

The mistake that men make is thinking that his wife, now mom of three, has lost her desire for hot, steamy sex. She hasnít. And many women are not willing to settle for a passion-less marriage.

There is no doubt that women are often less satisfied with their marriage than men. Not only are women having affairs at increasing rates, they initiate divorce at staggering levels.

According to a well-known study of 2,262 heterosexual couples over 5 years by Stanford sociologist Michael Rosenfeld, women initiated 69% of divorce. The details of the study further indicate that college educated women initiate divorce over 80% of the time.

Maybe this is a wake-up call to men. If youíre a man reading this article, you are probably shocked. If you are a woman reading this, it probably just confirms what you already know.

The needs of both men and women will continue to be met; either inside the marriage, or outside with someone else.

Jeff Forte is an expert in Relationship Dynamics, Divorce Prevention and Marriage Repair, and the author of "The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle," where you can find immediately helpful ideas that will work to quickly to increase connection. He has the expertise to help couples resolve their marriage conflicts even when traditional couples counseling has failed. For a complimentary consultation to get his insights on your situation visit or email

Copyright © 2011 Hitched Media, Inc. All rights reserved.