life advice
Strategies for Addressing Negative Thoughts in Marriage
Excerpt from “Seven Deep Insecurities Men Don’t Want Women to Know” and why addressing negative thoughts matter.

The following is an excerpt from "Seven Deep Insecurities Men Don’t Want Women to Know"

You can address negative thoughts in a number of ways. Develop a consistent mental workout regime to improve your thinking by sleeping better, reducing irritability, and avoiding getting fatigued. A healthy diet will lead to a healthier mental state and improved quality of life. Diet changes and a consistent workout regime help you stay calmer when you’re communicating with your partner about a problem; it will also help you stay focused.

Being calm and mindful of your partner is easier said than done. It takes a conscious daily effort to incorporate healthy thinking that leads to positive change. In essence, you are trying to take control of a situation in a productive and considerate manner. Therefore, your conversation will be more rational and respectful and you will address the problem directly.

Honesty about your thoughts and sharing what is important to you with your partner promotes stability in the relationship. Being honest about your feelings is not easy because pride can become an issue. However, your partner will respect you more, and that will promote a healthier bond.

Take accountability for your negative thinking by letting go of the past. Focus on positive things that matter to your relationship. Remember to examine yourself before approaching the situation with your partner. Often, the problem starts in you, so through self-examination, you will not be as quick to blame your partner for the problem.

Find a resolution for your issue that you both can agree upon and move forward. It will be one less thing to worry about; you and your partner can spend time focusing on worthwhile areas of your relationship. Positive thinking allows you to see the opportunities more clearly as well as improve skills, health and work (Clear 2013, 1).

Humility, kindness, respect, and honesty go far. Make a mental note to practice these daily. Every time you think your partner should be doing something for you, do something nice for him or her. For example, consider acts of kindness, which may include but are not limited to paying your partner compliments, being more affectionate, and providing tokens of appreciation such as flowers or an intimate date.

There are simple things you can do to make your partner feel comfortable with you so he or she will return the attention and affection. Positive thinking leads to desired goals in the future (Donlan 2008), but it takes practice. Therefore, you have to decide when to make changes for the better.

By applying yourself and taking advantage of self-help resources, counseling, and open discussions with your partner, you can learn to master positive thinking and have a healthier, long-lasting relationship. The strategies mentioned here have worked in relationships and may give you a fresh perspective on yours. There is no one solution; good relationships require daily management. On that note, healthy relationships are invaluable, provide beautiful benefits, and have to be maintained by you and your partner.

Buzz About Relationships CEO Sheri E. Ragland brings men’s main insecurities to light and works to help women understand their spouse’s problems and communicate their way back to happiness in her new book, "Seven Deep Insecurities Men Don’t Want Women to Know". Through research and her own marriage to her husband, Ragland found what men worry about most in their relationships and how both partners can work together by addressing the psychological, physical and spiritual components that are needed to have a truly healthy relationship.

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