When and how to take advice from others when it comes to maintaining a strong marriage.
As newlyweds, what’s the first thing people want to do? You guessed it, people want to give you advice… advice and more advice! As a newlywed I am assuming that most people have lots of advice for you. Well, this article is no different. So listen up! Exciting, unpredictable times lay ahead! My hope as I write this article to you is that you will remain "hitched" throughout your lifetime together.
We all have an Aunt Shirley or an Auntie Marg in our lives who is very wise and provides us with well-intended advice in hopes of it being an encouragement! So, having said that, let me jump right in with my first piece of advice, which is to "listen" to the advice from others, be kind to them and then weigh the pros and cons of each piece of advice; because here’s the thing, everyone has advice. You need to decide as to whether the advice is right for you and your husband or wife.
My mom gave me great advice: she said, don’t become defensive when someone is giving you advice; instead take an offensive stance, be confident and make your own decisions as a couple based on your circumstances, your beliefs and your values.
My second piece of advice relates directly to when the rough times hit, and there will be rough times: times when you want to "throw in the towel;" times you want to "walk away;" times when you will say to yourself, "what was I thinking?;" and I know you have heard this all a thousand times before, but it is true, take it from someone who has been married for over 20 years!
The good news is if you persevere there will be times of "pure joy," times of "pure bliss" and times of "pure harmony!" Marriage is all a matter of perspective. Take on a positive mindset toward marriage. Marriage takes a lot of time and effort to keep your perspective focused on the good, focused on the positive, focused on the togetherness. Life is incredibly busy. Take time for togetherness, plan time together for just the two of you!
My third piece of advice isn’t always the easiest to follow for some, but it’s important to "give up the right to always be right!" Wow, that can be very difficult for some of us to hear, to listen to, to reflect and to act upon. I know it was for me, as I always wanted to be right! A dear friend of mine gave me this very piece of advice early on in my marriage and for a period of time I actually wondered how faithful of a friend she really was? However, I now realize she was the most faithful of friends, a friend who cared and wanted the best for my husband and myself.
Many of us are under a great deal of stress. Stress is causing us to say and do things we would not normally say or do. Always needing to be right is stressful, and it arouses corresponding negative emotions. By living in a state of chronic stress our immune systems will eventually be compromised. However, there is direct empirical research to suggest that giving up the need to always be right and seeking forgiveness is related to positive health outcomes.
Decide today to give up the right to always be right! Humility goes a long way towards healing our physical bodies, as well as restoring a sense of trust in our relationships. Leave your rights behind, return to using the three words, "I am sorry," and be genuine when you say them.
Fourth and final piece of advice (well at least for now)—most importantly—is to have fun! I am suggesting that you don’t take yourself too seriously and don’t become easily offended. Laugh lots, at yourself and with your spouse, and create magic together, forever!
Dr. Cheryl Bauman is the author of a new book entitled "Just Say It! 4 Phrases That Will Change Your Life FOREVER!" Dr. Bauman is a gifted communicator and shares this gift with others through speaking, researching, and writing. She received her Doctor of Education from the University of Southern Queensland, Australia and was awarded the ACEL Queensland Research in Educational Leadership and Management Award. Dr. Bauman owns a consulting company, where she speaks to large and small audiences, writes and researches. Dr. Bauman teaches for the Faculty of Education Departments at several universities and works on research projects for an international university. Cheryl resides in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada with her husband Pino and their daughter Sara. Cheryl can be reached through her website at www.justsayit.today or through her e-mail at cheryl@justsayit.today.
