Baby-Making Sex It's an interesting time in a couple's life when trying to conceive a baby. Our Sexpert explores what it takes to put a bun in the oven? BY DR. TRINA READ
It was a pretty routine day. Then mid-morning my all-time favorite boss received a phone call from his wife. In less than a minute he was out the door with a sketchy explanation as to where he was going. As it was a small office we all knew that he going home to have sex with his wife.
Taking messages was a bit tricky, "I’m sorry, so-and-so is not available as he is at home copulating with his wife." When he came back to work we all wanted to ask, "Well how’d it go?" Judging by his flushed cheeks we all knew the answer.
You see his wife’s ability to ovulate was difficult and after months of tracking, it happened that morning. She was a woman on a mission to have a baby, and heaven help my ex-boss if he had been busy in a meeting. Happily, they had a beautiful baby boy nine months later.
Baby Sex. It has been my experience that women become different people when they are trying to conceive. It is like a robotic chip has been placed in their brains and they become baby making machines.
"I just love baby sex," a girlfriend confided. When asked why, she went on to explain that she felt liberated not having to worry about contraception. She also mentioned that her libido had gone through the roof and that she and her husband had not had that much sex for a long time.
Always happy to hear people enjoying their sexuality, I still had to caution her. The focus and determination many women have to get pregnant can backfire if they are not successfully pregnant in the first six to eight months.
Essentially, the innate female need to get pregnant—especially for those whose biological clock is screaming "TICK TOCK"—can push sexuality from pleasure making to marathon-sport like.
I have visions of women behaving like Charlotte from "Sex and the City". Determined to get pregnant, one episode showed Charlotte having sex with her husband while talking about future guests to invite to their dinner party. Sex had become a means to an end and her husband had simply become a sperm donor.
When women are in the baby-making-zone and conception does not happen in the first three months, their determination can wear down. The disappointment of trying so hard and "failing" can dampen their zealous mood. After six or eight months, disappointment and failure can turn into stressed-out and distraught feelings.
If there is no proper communication between the couple to express how they are feeling, the ability to be sexual with one another can seriously be jeopardized.
So here is the deal on helping to keep your sexuality and sensuality intact while trying to conceive. First and most important, relax. I realize telling a woman who is in baby sex mode to relax is like telling an angry person to stop being so angry.
Yet, staying calm and not taking this stage in your life too seriously will help you, help your partner and ultimately help your relationship. Then when a baby does come, instead of dealing with a newborn and a sex life that has fallen apart, you only have to deal with the newborn.
Please say these words with me, "I am not in control."
With healthy couples, there are a multitude of things that must occur for conception to take place. If everything is done right, the chances of conception are about 25 percent. This percentage drops as couples get older into their late twenties, thirties and so-on.
Certainly, there are things a couple can do to help conception along, like lie still for half an hour after copulation. However, I believe the most important thing a couple can do is to keep a healthy attitude and perspective when conception has not taken place for that month. Worrying and fretting are not going to make the sperm and egg come together any quicker. It will nonetheless stress out the couple, decreasing the chance for conception. It will also make it less desirable to keep trying.
If conception has not taken place after 12 months of unprotected, regular intercourse, it is time to get guidance from a medical professional.
So relax and enjoy your baby making sex.
Dr. Trina Read has a doctorate in human sexuality. Dr. Read is also an international speaker and offers a free sex audio tip weekly on her website www.trinaread.com/t-sextips.