Marriage: What Happens When Only One of You Evolves In order to stay happily married you need to stay connected. Here are some tips. BY TINA ARANA ANDERSON, M.A.
In order to not grow apart you and your spouse must stay engaged in each other.
“ First of all, it’s not anyone’s fault. Secondly, once someone starts to change, there is no going back.”
One of the biggest reasons for divorce in older marriages is growing apart. And one of the many reasons for growing apart is when one partner starts to evolve and change and the other doesn’t.
This is a tough one. Not gonna lie. I know from my own experience when I started a spiritual awakening in June of 2014. I didn’t plan the change nor could I stop once it started. It can create the oddest dichotomy of beautiful growth with incredible loneliness and confusion for both people in the marriage.
First of all, it’s not anyone’s fault. Secondly, once someone starts to change, there is no going back. Third, your marriage can survive, but to do so both of you must accept the growth with love and compassion.
Evolvement is a soul-based push to truly uncover your shadows, face them head on and then transform into your pre-destined potential. It is a sacred unfoldment of your life. It doesn’t mean that you are guaranteed an easy journey (quite the contrary when you dive deep), but it does give you complete inner-peace and joy amidst the greatest of turmoil and difficulties.
Herein lies the biggest issue. If you met and married under lower vibrational energies (which is quite common since we attract mutual vibes) and one of you evolves to a higher frequency, you often no longer feel like a "good match" anymore. And, you aren’t. Your vibrational matches have shifted.
So, what to do?
If You Are Evolving
* Speak openly and honestly about what you are feeling and how you are changing. Without judging your spouse and with acceptance of where he or she is (or isn’t) in the process with you, suggest a book, article, podcast or something that you can share that might clarify what you are experiencing and why. Heck, this article might be a start.
* Be patient with yourself and explain to your spouse that you will probably have up and down moments and days. You might need more alone time, but it’s not to avoid your him or her and instead to process your thoughts and emotions.
* Know that these changes are part of your life plan and why you incarnated in this lifetime. The universe has perfect timing and it always conspires to your highest good.
* Remember that your spouse is probably trying his or her best to understand and accommodate you. If your foundation is strong, you can build upon your love and respect and make your partnership even deeper and stronger since evolvement always bring more truth and clarity.
* Recognize that feeling alone is normal and find a support group online or in person. That might be all you need to carry on—someone who gets it and understands you so you don’t need to regurgitate everything that is happening to your spouse.
* Offer information, but never try to force or change your spouse based on your growth—in fact, you can't force change in anyone. We are all on our own timelines. Your work is also to discover why you incarnated with your spouse and what you are meant to learn from the relationship.
If Your Spouse Is Evolving
* Ask for explanations on how he or she is feeling and how his or her perspective on life is changing. Ask how you can support and better understand the process.
* Be patient with what might seem like abrupt changes in his or her emotional state. Simply ask how you can help and allow your spouse to be honest in his or her answer without feeling judged or criticized.
* Understand that you incarnated with your spouse to both go through this together, whether or not you decide to work on your own evolvement.
* Seek out your strongest commonalities and where and how you connect at the deepest levels. Remember what drew you together and also expand your awareness about each other in new ways that will strengthen your bond.
* Allow your spouse to have his or her "other time" knowing that you will not be judged.
On both sides, check in with each other’s hearts—not minds—and have authentic conversations about this process and how it’s affecting both of you. Basic respect and compassion along with discovery and learning as a couple will keep you together and keep your love alive.
Tina Arana Anderson, M.A., is a media and wellness specialist and spiritual mentor. She combines her media and wellness experience with spiritual mentoring and intuitive guidance. She’s an angel therapist, clairvoyant and clairaudient as well as a writer, host and producer. Her ultimate gift is helping you with high vibrational, joy-filled living; deep inner-peace and lots of levity. For project collaborations, parties or private sessions, contact her at tinaandersonOC.com.