5 Tips to Help Young People Avoid Having Bad Sex
It’s time to starting changing the way we think about sex in our relationship. Here’s how.
BY DR. LAURA BERMAN, PHD

Depositphoto So much of what happens between the sheets starts outside of them. “ If you are simply in the moment and conscious of your body, you can allow things to happen, rather than forcing an orgasm or expecting an erection.”

A new study published by the National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles has found that a shockingly high number of young men and young women experience some form of sexual difficulty.

From performance anxiety to difficulty reaching climax to pain during sex, over one-third of the men and nearly half of the women surveyed said they suffer from some sexual issue. And these are not older people—the group surveyed was between the ages of 16-21!

What can be the cause of these issues? I believe it is partly due to the fundamental misunderstandings that exist between men and women, as well as the fact that so many people have harmful or incorrect views of sex and love.

Here are my top tips for safeguarding your relationship inside and outside the bedroom:

1. Sex doesn’t necessarily mean orgasm. So many men avoid having sex because they have fears of premature ejaculation or losing their erection. We need to change the way we think about sex—it isn’t about reaching a specific destination or following a set map, such as foreplay, intercourse or cuddling. If you are simply in the moment and conscious of your body, you can allow things to happen, rather than forcing an orgasm or expecting an erection. Instead, touch your partner and be touched. Stay aware. Notice what is happening. Let the rest go. The most important thing is the connection between you and your spouse, and that you are both emotionally present.

2. Men and women shouldn't always be equal. Being on level ground is good when it comes to the boardroom, but when it comes to our relationships, equality is not the best thing to seek. Things won’t always be fair between you. Sometimes one of you might have a bad week at work, and the other partner might have to pick up the slack. Or one of you might be sick and need caretaking. Don’t keep records of who does more for the other person, or who’s "turn" it is to serve the other.

3. You don't need your partner’s participation to change your relationship. You can actually change your relationship without your spouse even being aware you are making a change. That’s because true change happens on an energetic level—from embracing your true power, rather than simply donning a sexy new bra or scheduling a date night.

4. Your spouse doesn't need to please you. We need to stop thinking that men give women orgasms. No wonder so many men struggle with anxiety in the bedroom. Orgasms aren’t something to be bestowed upon us. Ladies, we are the ones in charge of creating our own pleasure. That means learning what turns you on and then sharing that with your husband—he is not a mind reader.

5. Don't let your spouse's bad mood effect you. We think that when our partner has a bad day, it’s normal to get upset and reflect that same emotional mood. Not so. The most helpful and kind thing you can do is maintain your own energetic state and radiate unconditional love to him. Otherwise, bad moods will become "contagious" in your home and you will keep passing the negative energy back and forth.

For more of Dr. Berman’s unconventional relationship advice or information on her Mind-Blowing Love webinar, please visit her blog at: drlauraberman.com.

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