The following excerpted with permission from "O Wow: Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm" Cleis
Press 2015 (c) 2015 Jenny Block. All rights reserved.
Ah, the multiple orgasm. Itís a thing of beauty. And a thing of reality. So letís start there. Women do have multiple orgasms. We are very lucky in that respect. Women do not have a refractory periodóor downtimeó like men do. Once weíre up, we have every opportunity to go up and up and up!
So, how exactly does one manage this feat? Follow your bodyís lead. When you have an orgasm, either ease up on or stop what you were doing. But donít stop your brain. Allow it to continue thinking about what you just did, how good it felt, and what might feel good next. Then slowly ease back in or start again (depending on whether or not you came to a complete halt).
The biggest holdup when it comes to multiple orgasms is what I call the "greedy girl" factor. Girls are raised to be polite and restrained. They are supposed to ask before they take a cookie. Wait for everyone else at the table to be served. Accept whatever size serving they receive and not ask for secondsóbecause thatís only for greedy girls.
Sure, polite is great. I am all about being civilized. I demand it, actually. Everywhere except in bed, that is. When it comes to sex, unrestrained is the only way to go. Iím not saying to forgo the "please" and "thank you." But I am definitely saying that you leave "I donít want to come across as the greedy girl" behind.
Ask for what you want. Enjoy it when you get it. Ask for more when youíve already had some. Believe me, a good partner will dig it. In fact, a good partner will absolutely love it. There is nothing sexier than a woman who wants to simply get lost and enjoy.
There is no reason not to enjoy every last drop of pleasure that your body is willing to savor. A good partner will be flattered and thrilled that you want more. So turn off that part of your brain thatís telling you one orgasm is plenty and listen instead to your body which is likely saying, "Shall we have another go?"
“Sure, polite is great. I am all about being civilized. I demand it, actually. Everywhere except in bed, that is.”
Here are a few tips for upping the multiple orgasm ante:
1. Donít think about it. I know, I know. Itís impossible not to. But youíre just going to have to do your best. Performance anxiety is one of the most powerful killers of great orgasmsóparticularly multiple ones. Donít get caught in a negative loop: "Iím never going to come" or "Iím never going to be able to get there again" or "I want to keep going, but hasnít it already taken me long enough? How can I ask for more?"
2. The best way to quiet a negative loop is to replace it with a positive one. Something along the lines of "That feels really good." "I love it when my partner touches me like that." "I feel so sexy." "I look so sexy."
3. Better yet, talk to your partner. Tell your partner what you are experiencing and what you want and what you like and how amazing she/he is. A little flattery goes a long wayóespecially in bed. If you like whatís happening, why keep that information to yourself? There is nothing that inspires a lover more and makes her or him want to keep you coming and coming than hearing how great she or he is!
4. Mix it up. Often, having multiple orgasms is about doing something at least a little different from what just made you come. So if oral sex was what sent you over the edge, have your partner penetrate you while stimulating your clit orally or manually or with a toy. For round three, try a little anal play. And since the clit is the primary orgasm go-to, thereís no reason to ignore it during any round. But it can be fun and effective to play with blending different elements. By the time youíre done, you really will be truly spent.
5. Talk dirty. To stay focused, say the words and ask your partner to get in on the game. Talking about what is happening can be very hot. "You make me so wet." "Iím going to come for you." "I love being your naughty girl." Whatever fits your dirty-talk genre. Or engage in a little fantasy. Entice your partner to spin a naughty story for you that incorporates the things that she knows turn you on, like that pretty hotel clerk or a new toy or a public place where youíve always wanted to have sex. It doesnít have to be complicated. All it has to do is turn you on and keep you focused on pleasure.
6. Stay with it. The ultimate key to multiple orgasms is staying with it for as long as it feels good and not stopping because youíre worried about the time or the laundry or your thighs or someone elseís orgasm. Donít forget, we are each responsible for our own orgasms. So have as many as you like. This isnít cookies at Sunday school. There are plenty to go around, and you can do as much touching and taking as you please.
Consider these more tools to add to your toolbox. You donít have to have them, but they sure are fun to have. There is nothing more empowering than listening to your desires and sharing them with someone who gets you and who is as committed as you are to finding your ultimate orgasm.
Jenny Block is a frequent contributor to a variety of websites and publications, including The Huffington Post, Curve Magazine, and the Dallas Voice. Her first book, "Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage" won a 2008 Lambda Literary Award. She has appeared on a plethora of television and radio shows, including Nightline, the Tyra Banks Show, The Glenn Beck Show, Fox and Friends, BBC Radio, Playboy Radio, and The Young Turks. Jenny has spoken at bookstores, conferences, and events across the country from Georgetown University to Good Vibrations to the Wyly Theater to the Science Museum of Virginia. For more please visit www.thejennyblock.com.