Sex Q&A: Cuddling After Sex, Herpes, Staying Up A husband doesn't like to cuddle after sex, and the wife's not happy. Another couple is dealing with herpes and one guy is having problems keeping an erection. BY DR. TRINA READ
Research shows that men and women or both as likely to fall asleep after sex.
“ You see your brain—not your penis—is actually your primary sex organ; so when you’re stressed or worried your arousal level will decrease.”
Sex and relationship expert, Dr. Trina Read, is ready to answer your questions.
For me, the best part of sex is afterwards when we get to cuddle, but my husband always falls asleep immediately. It really bugs me. What to do?
I agree there are three parts to sex: foreplay, sexual play and after play. All are equally fun and are needed to make a complete sexual experience.
Having your partner go to sleep right after the "sexual play" is frustrating. However, new research shows that that the stereotype of a man immediately rolling over and falling asleep after sex might just be a myth.
Researchers at the University of Michigan were looking to prove this theory true, when they discovered something very different. In their study they found both men and women reported they were equally likely to be the first one to fall asleep after having sex.
Where researchers found a gender difference was around who fell asleep first when sex did not occur. Specifically, men actually reported staying awake longer than their female partners.
That said, one thing is certain: sex and sleep have an intimate connection. And unless you want keep him up by going for a second round, you might have to accept that for your guy, sex is a sleep aid.
Great sex tip.
Let him fall asleep in the wet spot. That way even if you’re awake, you’ll be a lot more comfortable.
What do you recommend for protection of genital herpes that is not on the genitals but in the groin area; and the female partner is negative.
A non-genital herpes outbreak is just as contagious as one on the genitals.
In addition, herpes is contagious even when there is no outbreak. The virus can be spread through asymptomatic shedding. So you and your spouse need to always use some type of protection in the area of the outbreak(s).
To my knowledge, there are no specific products on the market designed to protect from non-genital transmission of viral sexually transmitted infections. That being said, you do have a few options.
There are a number of male latex shorts available that could work that have a hole or a space for the penis (and sometimes the testicles). These shorts come in many styles including boxer-style or cycling shorts.
Otherwise, you can also place a dental dam on the infected area. Either you or your partner would have to hold it in place or you could gently tape the corners so it’s hands-free. Or use a condom by taking off the top (ring part) and making a seam down the middle.
Great sex tip.
It is not recommended to have sex from the time the infected partner feels the onset of an outbreak. The first sign is generally a tingling or burning sensation in the area of the outbreak. Further, the rubbing from sexual activity makes it more difficult for the outbreak to heal.
The last time I was getting oral sex I lost my erection and now it happens often. Why does this happen and what can I do to stop it?
This can be a very common experience. As rapidly as blood engorges your penis to make it erect, the blood can just as quickly drain away leaving you limp. In fact, many men also lose their erections during sexual intercourse.
You see your brain—not your penis—is actually your primary sex organ; so when you’re stressed or worried your arousal level will decrease. There are a number of reasons why this happens.
For example, it can be difficult to keep an erection if you’re thinking: "Is it big enough?," "What if I ejaculate too quickly?" or worse, "What if I can’t ejaculate?"
And if you do lose your erection once—like you have during oral sex—you start to worry that it’s going to happen again. Creating a nasty flaccid cycle.
Although, pharmaceutical companies would love you to pop a pill to solve your limp ways, this is usually not necessary. When you are receiving oral sex, try to concentrate on the wonderful feelings and sensations. When you focus on the pleasure, you won’t lose that erection.
Great sex tip.
Kegel exercises are not just for women. Men also need to exercise this muscle group to keep a strong erection throughout their life.
Dr. Trina Read is the founder of VivaXO.com; a leading relationship and sexual health expert and educator; and is a best selling author, media expert, syndicated blogger, international speaker, magazine columnist, and spokeswoman. Trina has just launched Sensual Tastes Events, an interactive workshop blending the pleasures of food and sex education. Follow her on Twitter and Facebook.