Gift-Giving in the Bedroom and Beyond
Don’t let the holidays become a wedge between the sheets. Use these four tips to help bring new life into your bedroom.
BY DENISE J. CHARLES

DepositPhoto Don't let the generosity of giving stop at the Christmas tree, bring that spirit into the bedroom. “ If you're a woman who never initiates or is weary of getting on top, now may be a great time to show your spouse who's really boss in the bedroom.”

Most of us love this time of year because we can't wait to give and receive gifts. The holidays present a wonderful opportunity for us to affirm our love to the ones we care about. Yet many agree that the holidays are about a whole lot more than brightly patterned packages tied up with string.

We speak about the spirit or attitude of giving as we attempt to examine the motivations behind our gifts. Are we just giving to get? Is our gift-expectation an accurate reflection of whether we’ve been naughty or nice in our relationship? Whatever the case, the holidays are a great opportunity for us to reflect on what we can make better in our love lives.

While the busyness of the season can take its toll on our intimate relationships, we can learn to take the true spirit of the season all the way to our bedrooms. Since our love of gifts and gift-giving should ideally spring from a place of love and appreciation, what better way to demonstrate this than in the highly valued sex and intimacy department.

The following represents some excellent ideas for revving things up in the bedroom and beyond this holiday season.

1. Practice big-hearted sex. Going about sex with a big heart means thinking about your partner's needs before your own. Finding out what your spouse likes or really wants in the bedroom is a great way to start the holiday fun rolling. If you're a woman who never initiates, or is weary of getting on top, now may be a great time to show your spouse who's really boss in the bedroom. Surprising your partner with greater bedroom enthusiasm and participation may bring new meaning to the line "t'is the season to be jolly". There's not a man alive who will turn down a woman who enjoys getting her groove on. If you're a man who often thinks about your own needs first, then taking your time to pleasure your wife slowly is a great way to exemplify the spirit of giving this season.

2. Get creative with the packaging. If you're one of those individuals who make it a habit to sleep in those stretched out T shirts or ratty boxers, then the season may be a great time to add some festive shine to your bedroom attire. Besides the playful use of festive bows and ribbons in all the right places, updating your lingerie with some sexy pieces is a great idea this holiday. Try utilizing the colors of the season or donning nothing else but a Santa hat when going to bed. This is sure to bring more than a smile to a partner caught up and tired from the stress of Christmas shopping.

3. Redefine your sex for the season. While being extra-generous with sex is clearly understood, there are also several other subtle ways that a couple can celebrate the sensuality of their relationship. Engaging in loads of sex-free cuddling can actually be beneficial to the feelings of warmth and goodwill an intimate relationship is expected to generate. Hugging stimulates those hormones which foster feelings of belongingness and worth; this can only add to the dynamics of a relationship and is especially appreciated this time of year. Massaging tired feet and shoulders after a day of extra cleaning, decorating or shopping is likely to pay huge dividends if done just right. Finding ways to engage your relationship outside the context of the bedroom and straight-up sex will ultimately deepen the quality of your sex when it does occur.

4. Move your giving beyond the bedroom. Extending your goodwill to your spouse by carving our special couple time amidst the intense busyness of the holiday season can be valuable to your marriage. Apart from preparing your home together, baking together or entertaining friends, finding a charitable project to engage the true meaning of the season can easily redound the feelings of love and joy which characterize the season. As a family we have practiced caroling and gift-giving in a specific community for a number of years. Couples can emerge their own traditions which take the emphasis of the holidays away from the self to others. Understanding that each of us has the responsibility to pass on the gift of giving at Christmas time is a great way to strengthen the intimacy in our relationships at the level of our sex and beyond.

Denise J Charles is an educator, counselor, relationship-coach, published author and blogger. She holds a Masters Degree in Education and is a qualified trainer-of-trainers. Denise is Executive Director of "Better Blends Relationship Institute," a counseling and training entity founded by herself and her husband Gabriel. Denise’s blog on sex can be found "here". Denise’s new book is "How To Have Mind-Blowing Sex Without Losing Your Brain." Follow her on Google+.

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