Understanding the Concerns of Too Much Sex Whether itís too much or too little, having a healthy marriage and sex life starts with open communication and compromises. BY PATTY BRISBEN
If you and your spouse are comfortable with the amount of sex you're having, it's not too much.
In a society where many Americans are plagued with no-sex marriages and low libido, itís not often that we hear "marriage" and "too much sex" in the same sentenceóunless they are referring to celebrity sex addictions (and thatís not exactly a positive association).
The idea of too much sex really becomes an issue when itís interfering with one or both partnersí ability to function or lead a healthy lifestyle or when one partner is not on the same page as the other. I am not a sex therapist, but I do have more than 25 years of experience of listening to womenís concerns and these are two of the most common issues Iíve heard on this topic.
If couples want to have sex six, seven or eight times a day, they shouldnít judge themselves or worry too much about whether they are falling above or below social standards. People often make the mistake of comparing or measuring their sex lives with friends or other couples. However, your sex life should be something that is between you and your spouse, and the most important thing is what makes the two of you the most comfortable.
Talk Openly About One Anotherís Sex Drive
Problems often arise when couples are not on the same page when it comes to discussing their sexual needs. When you take a demanding approach for more sex from a reluctant spouse, the sex you are having begins to feel like a chore for the other person. You also risk creating resentment, which is one of the most corrosive emotions in a relationship. Meanwhile, couples who are feeling like their sexual needs are not being met in the bedroom can also become resentful or, unfortunately, sometimes stray outside of the marriage.
This is why itís so important to talk openly about your needs in and out of the bedroom and to keep the doors of communication wide open. Be careful of being judgmental about what your spouse is asking or taking it personally if their needs do not match your own. Most importantly, marriage is about compromise, which means working to be flexible and making an effort to try new things to make one another happy.
Both circumstances mentioned above may benefit from working with a marriage counselor or sex therapist to get to the root of the issue. The American Association of Sexual Educators, Counselors and Therapists (www.aasect.org) is a great organization which can assist in finding the proper professional help in your area. They can also determine if there is any sort of sex addiction or negative factors that are involved within your marriage. Be sure to also search the Hitched Directory to find a therapist in your area (click here).
Patty Brisben, is the CEO and Founder of Pure Romance (www.pureromance.com). For more than two decades, Patty has been educating and empowering women all over the country about sexual health and relationship enhancement. Today, Patty speaks, lectures and writes about a wide range of issues. Drawing from extensive research in the industry and using her warm and engaging personality, Patty has become a noted expert in the fields of intimacy and relationships. Patty has been quoted in several magazines including Self, Women's Health, Glamour, Redbook, Men's Health, Details, US Weekly, In Touch and Life & Style.